I used to think that if only I were some other way than I am - thinner, smarter, rich, etc. only THEN would I be happier, but I am learning (and forgetting then remembering again) that happiness comes from being who I am and feeling what I actually feel without trying to bury it. It's for sure a lifelong practice but it's worth it.
Wise woman Brene Brown has this to say, “Understanding the difference between healthy striving and perfectionism is critical to laying down the shield and picking up your life. Research shows that perfectionism hampers success. In fact, it's often the path to depression, anxiety, addiction, and life paralysis....The dark does not destroy the light; it defines it. It's our fear of the dark that casts our joy into the shadows.”
― Brené Brown, The Gifts of Imperfection